Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
