What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
