you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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