he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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