The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
