47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
