my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
