I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
