Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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