I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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