haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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