in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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