I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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