why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
