is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We just shotgunned beers for America
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
