It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
