Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
