so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
