remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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