The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
