Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it's great music for shaving your balls
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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