i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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