just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
