You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
