She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
