Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
