oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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