just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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