the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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