Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
