Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
