He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
