I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
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Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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