I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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