i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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