hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize