Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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