When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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