sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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