if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
