I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
