I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
