I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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