I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
