Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
