do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he puts the penis in happiness.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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