I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
