well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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