walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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