Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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