i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
