The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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