Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
how can u be prego again
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
