Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
