2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
