I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
