Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
