woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
