See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
