I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
