Sry I called you an 8
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
