One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
