Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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