After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
