I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
