I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
