the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
