i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
