We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
