I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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