It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
