I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
