You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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