Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
