She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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