I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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